Debunking Lies the Church Told Me | Created to be His "Helper"

Click to listen to the blogcast of this post, narrated by the author.No Lesser Life

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My Story

Hello! This is my first post, so welcome! I’m guessing you're here because of the title of this article, so you’ve probably assumed, correctly, that I’m a Christ follower and that this post has something to do with the poor guidance I received from the Church during my marriage, which would also be correct. The purpose of this blog is to document, as much as I can, the lies, misinformation and bad doctrine I received from pastors, counselors and lay people in the Church that aided my abusive ex-husband in keeping me mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially "beat up" and feeling trapped for twenty years.

With the step-by-step guidance of the Holy Spirit, I became legally separated from my ex-spouse in August of 2021, and I’m recently divorced as of this month, which is April of 2026, and now, after nearly five years of recovery I’m in hot pursuit of living the life that the Lord has assigned to me- because I was bought with a price and I will no longer be a slave to any person, not in any way, nor for any reason.

I've spent the past several years learning, healing, renewing my mind and being washed with the water of the Word- and these blog posts are where I finally get to tell my story, in what I hope is a concluding catharsis as I move "further up and further in" to Christ. I pray that you find help, strength and healing as I share what I’ve learned and what the Lord has done in my life. I pray that you find inspiration and motivation to go and live the life that God assigned to YOU, as you dare to trust Him.

Were Women Really Only Created to be "Helpers"?

So the number one lie that the Lord addressed for me, as He began to lead me out of a ruinous relationship, had to do with my actual identity and position in His kingdom.

The problem started in Genesis 2:18 for me, as it does for most married Christian women I think, with the erroneous idea that we were created to be helpers for a husband. But only in the most subordinate sense of the word- his secretary, his girl Friday, his laundress, his cook, his waitress, his maid, his beck and call girl, (open 24/7 like 7 eleven!), his womb, his children’s nursemaid and nanny, and a source of financial benefit and gain. There is also the idea in some Church circles that you should adapt your personal appearance to his preferences and otherwise cater to his every whim (as long as it’s not sin!), that’s always thrown in for good measure to make all the terrible advice sound “spiritual”.

In December of 2020 I started seeing a licensed Christian therapist for another family issue entirely and a couple of months later, I finally started talking about my marriage and she recommended that I read a book by Leslie Vernick titled, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage. Thank you Cassie! :)

This book, along with my therapist’s insights and different therapeutic techniques, completely changed my life. That book finally gave voice to all of the thoughts and feelings I’d had over the course of twenty miserable, confusing years. It illustrated the plethora of insidious ways that my husband attacked, ridiculed, degraded and devalued me.

In that book was the first time I saw the word ezer. When I hunted it up in the Bible, in reference to the woman God created, it was paired with the word kenegdo.

According to Genesis 2:18 and 2:20, the woman was created to be the man’s ezer kenegdo, a military grade support and rescuer, someone who aids in battle, not someone who makes you comfortable by rubbing your feet and cooking your favorite meals. The woman was designed as a rescuer or deliverer of military strength who is the counterpart, who stands face to face with Adam.

She has the same purpose as he does, just in a different body. We see this in Genesis 1:27-28 (AMP) when God creates THEM in His image and blesses THEM and says to THEM, “Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subjugate it [putting it under your power]; and rule over (dominate) the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and every living thing that moves upon the earth.” The woman was given co-dominion with the man. She was equally blessed, equally charged with ruling over the earth and the creatures upon it. She wasn’t given co-equal dominion with the man as his wife or because she "belonged to" him in any way. They both belonged to God, if there was any belonging in the possessive sense going on, and their marital relationship wasn’t instituted until after the Fall.

Please note that these verses in Genesis 2:18 and 2:20 are also BEFORE the marriage relationship between Adam and Eve was instituted. An ezer kenegdo is the woman’s God given purpose, not just a marital role. Adam didn’t "know" Eve as his wife until after the Fall.

In the section below are 14 verses where the word ezer shows up in the Bible in the same form (as a noun, describing a person) as it does in Genesis 2:18 and 2:20. I encourage you to read through each of these verses in context. You’ll notice that other than the two in Genesis referring to Eve, all the rest refer to God Himself as the rescuer, usually in a military context.

So God created Eve, the mother of all living, to function in Adam’s life as He Himself does in the lives of all mankind. As a rescuer who provides succor, which is assistance in times of hardship and distress, as a deliverer, and as our strength and shield.

Ezer Kenegdo – learn these words and their true biblical meaning. They are the blueprint for your identity as a woman. They are literally who and what God created you to be in the earth.

Scripture References for Study & Reflection

• Exodus 18:4 –

• Deuteronomy 33:7

• Deuteronomy 33:26

• Deuteronomy 33:29

• Psalm 20:2

• Psalm 33:20

• Psalm 70:5

• Psalm 89:19

• Psalm 115:9

• Psalm 115:10

• Psalm 115:11

• Psalm 121:1 - 2

• Psalm 124: 6 -8

• Psalm 146:5 (read 3 -10 for entire context)!

  
  

That’s all for today sisters and survivors. I’m here to remind you that you were bought with a price, paid for by Christ, so choose to live no lesser life than the one God put inside you.

If you'd like to have your story of healing shared in an upcoming blog post, please click here to share your story. Let me know your thoughts in the comments and stay safe and sane in the Lord until next time!